America the Arrogant?
I bought a world map the other day and it really put things in perspective for me.
All of my adult life, the world has been telling me that I’m a self-righteous, pompous and snooty-nosed because I live in Columbus, Ohio which happens to be a city in the superpower, The United States of America. My geographical location supposedly dictates my personality. You know, like saying everyone in Seattle is depressed. Everyone in Asia is skinny. Everyone in Kentucky is missing their front teeth and has once considered dating their sister. Like most stereotypes, the world as generalized all Americans into one classification: Arrogant.
Now, all of my adult life, I have refuted such accusations. I’m a nice enough guy that gives a couple bucks to the occasional bum, opens a door for an elderly woman and even offers half of the armrest at the theater. In fact, most of my friends and family members possess these same altruistic values. So, who are these assholes in America that everyone hates? And, why should my Ohio drivers’ license warrant such dirty looks on foreign soil?
Sure, I get that we’re the richest country in the world. But, we give billions of dollars away to people that train their 5-year olds to gun us down. Yes, we waste a lot of food while “millions of children are literally dying for something to eat.” True, we consume more natural resources than any two continents combined, but we’ve all got recycling bins underneath our cubicles now for our Fiji water bottles!
These things were never enough to convince me that we, Americans, loved ourselves so much and disregarded the rest of the world. That was, until I bought a world atlas map and noticed something I hadn’t ever picked up on before: North America is the first country you see on the map. If the map were a book, and you scanned from left to right as most people do when they read (or is that some of the American ego coming out?), the good ole US of A would be the very first word. It’s the furthest to the left; we want you to see us first.
Now, if that’s not enough to convince you of our motives, consider this one, widely accepted fact: the Earth is round. So essentially, the map could have started anywhere¾Europe could be on the left and we could be on the right when you look at the flat-world view. You catch my continental drift? Because we took the best spot on the map, you cannot think of this planet without first picturing the US, then maybe Africa’s distinct shape jutting out after that. Watch any movie where NASA or potential Armageddon is involved and this same arrangement is displayed from the satellite view: America on the left, everybody else on the right. You’ll never see a globe shot without at least some semblance of our country surrounded by ocean blue.
We managed to take a round, rotating object like the Earth and forever make it a flat world that seems to be sponsored by us. U.S. It’s US vs. Them. That’s why everybody’s pissed.
Come to think of it, elementary textbooks these days probably claim that when Pangaea first broke apart, the US was first to go solo and the rest of the world followed.
I get it now. I don’t buy it at all (I love this country), but I get it. The rest of the world says, “Keep your fancy hamburgers and your organic grocery stores. Keep your designer shoes and your pampered poodles. Keep your digital cable channels and your PhD’s. We just want a shot at the left side of the map you bastards.”
Screw it. I’d swap sides of the map.
